letting go without Letting Go


So its that time of the year again, I’ll watch my friends (senior colleagues actually) graduate from school. People with whom time trusted bonds have been formed, people I call family, earlier today I was telling someone dear to me that it’s a shame I don’t know how to cry because this would have been a very teary moment. I’m in my sixth year in the University (That’s if Pre-degree counts though) So I think I’ve done this for five years successfully, and I can say I’ve mastered the art of letting go without Letting go. I’ll be sharing my thoughts, tips, opinions about this.

I’ve understood that Parting is inevitable: Men are in sizes and life is in phases. There is a limit to the size you can attain in each phase of life. Parting especially when it’s taking a step upwards like the scenario we’re looking at is inevitable because it’s assumed (and most times rightly) that you’ve learnt all (or most of) what you could have learnt in this phase and need to move to another and just like you will get to outgrow this phase at some point. Just like Jesus said to the disciples in the build-up to his trip to Calvary making them understand that, their emotions notwithstanding, it’s expedient and in their best interest that he goes.

Understand that you’re no longer in the same phase: I hear people say,” You’ve forgotten me” or as some of my friends would say “Out of sight is now out of mind abi?” But I’ve come to realize that even with bosom friends when one moves to another phase it takes a lot to still fit into another’s life the way you used to. Truth be told what keeps friendships are shared visions, goals, interests, Hobbies, Ideologies, etc. so when goals change, like in this case the goal for the ‘leaver’ is no longer acquiring an education in some discipline of study but the goal of the ‘levee’ is still the same so we realize that the very foundations of our friendships are tested, and if it doesn’t shift and rest on something else we just throw such friendships away, or worse allow it die a natural death. Be understanding with them and find out how you fit into the new picture and how the person they have become fits into yours

Maximize every moment: Relating with friends who’ve graduated and are up to something with their lives has made me place a premium on time, you don’t see them around often like you used to. Even if for any reason they are still in or around the campus you don’t bump into them like you used to before so we’ve got to maximize the moments. For a few really dear to my heart 15-20 minute long calls weekly (or at most bi-weekly) would do for us to catch up on all we’ve missed, update ourselves on goals and visions were running with, new interests, new friends, challenges and all. So while we’re apart we’re not ‘Apart’.

Find a way to remind them that you still have them at heart: It might be sending an SMS, leaving a message in their inbox, for those in the ’Smartphone age’ sending old pictures of you guys, making a big deal out of their birthdays, etc. We all don’t react nicely to being forgotten, So if you know that friendship means something to you it’s worth the effort.

Finally, Parting is not easy but its inevitable. Depending on how it’s handled it can foster or break the dearest of friendships. Someone said ‘Parting is such sweet-sorrow’ but I say we can make it more ‘sweet’ than ‘sorrow’. I’ll love to get feedback from you on dealing with Parting, So hit the comment button.

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