Is there anything like ‘just’ friends?
A while ago, I and an acquaintance were having a discussion on whether a male and a female can be just friends. We didn’t come to an agreement in the course of the discussion, but what I took away from that conversation was that we were speaking from our different personal experiences on our lives’ journeys and we didn’t need to agree to learn from each other.
In my interactions, whenever I encounter the use of ‘just’ before the word friend, I try to probe to ensure no injustice is done to the honorary office of a friend. I feel the need to remind folks that the institutions you envy today; secular, business and even religious, the ones that have lasted (or will last) were (and will be) built on the back of loyalties, ties and bonds that had friendships at the foundations. I dare say friendships run this world.
A trip to my local church growing up last Sunday, would shed more light on this as i noticed how despite changes in clergy men running the affairs of the church, friendships between parishioners have played a major role in unflinching membership, a loyalty to a brand built on bonds people have shared over the years.
Back to our discourse, hanging around doesnt always help your chances, exclusivity is not and should not be seen as a reward for loyalty in friendships with the other gender, I’ll rather you walk away than feign loyalty because you want a romantic relationship somewhere down the line. This can and does happen many times, but there are no guarantees; not expecting too much reduces the chances of disappointment.
While it can be tempting to feel discouraged when a love interest doesn’t see you in that light (at least in the moment), it’s not the end of the world. I consider friendships one of the best ways to leave your mark in this world and in people’s lives; in friendships, people give each other authorization and opportunities of influence in each other’s lives. We should focus on how this gives us room to better people’s lives and ours in the process.
Addressing the elephant in the room, I think every guy has heard this, “let’s just be friends”, at least once in their life time in response to tendering his ‘credentials’ to be considered for the exclusive partner role. To say that it can hurt would be stating the obvious.
Thing is, It’s usually one of two things; she either doesn’t ‘dig’ you yet or she never will.
It is pertinent to note that we will not date every amazing person we meet. People come into our lives for a myriad of reasons. I always believe there is something someone knows how to do better than me, by reason of their upbringing, professional training, good and or bad life experiences and exposure to relationships and for the most part I consider myself on a journey to find out those areas and how I can learn. The bad examples aren’t excluded, as in them, we see exactly who we do not want to be and the road to avoid while making this decision(s).
If this was written a decade or two ago, this paragraph would be addressed to females, but we have more females going after what they want, and i must say it is a beautiful sight to behold, nevertheless those of us who get requests for exclusive relationships with others must know how to turn people down with grace, it doesn’t hurt to give a thoughtful explanation as to why you’re not available at the time or you think they are not the one for you, at least in that phase.
I know first-hand people who had become monsters, or at least made to curl into their shells because of a distasteful rejection. You don’t have to be the reason someone has a dent in their self-esteem and no longer ventures out in search of love.
Hope this helps your friendships, present and future.
#misterJacque #relationships #platonic #romantic #love #transitioning #friendzone #bestie #bestfriend #justfriends #friendshipfriday