Keep the cat out of the bag

The readership from the first installment of “Choose you everyday“, was interesting and rewarding. So here’s the next.

I’ll christen this one, Keeping the cat always out of the bag. Its not for the ones who do not want to commit, it’s not for the ones who can’t come clean, it’s definitely not for the player, those who enjoy the ‘romantic’ attention of 8 (is 8 too much?😂) others while claiming to be committed to one, although I respect any body’s decision to live that way, this won’t be an article such people will want to read.

This article is for the ones who are in relationships and those who desire one. It’s still in the context of meeting someone you consider attractive after commiting to your significant other. I’ve realised from conversations my last article started with a few friends and aquaintances, that the conversation in the previous article couldn’t have ended there, but it should start there.

Being in a relationship, especially in the beginning stages can have you feeling like in a bubble, the butterflies in the tummy, calling and texting till late, stealing moments from your work to drop a whatsapp message, a cheesy text, a call, sending a meme you consider romantic or incredibly funny just to brighten her (or his) day

You’re doing well!! When you’re behaving like this, you’re in a good place, but I need you to understand that although this glow from the inside can be physically seen by others, you and your bae are the only ones in this bubble. Asides maybe a few people that might have noticed your glow or pep in your step or those of your friends that were your cheerleaders at some point, and I think you should have such people around you, people who are happy that you’re making progress in your relationship.

People attest to getting more attention from people of the opposite sex when they are in a new relationship than when they were single, it’s common sense, you glow when you’re in a new relationship, chances are you are smiling more to romantic words read or heard, so your dimples should be more pronounced, your smile would be more genuine, you feel incredibly good about yourself and so it makes sense to look more attractive generally when in a new relationship.

Being in a relationship isn’t the end of your networking, of course except you’re in an unhealthy one. It’s an evidence of a healthy social life that you add to your friends list every now and then; So although your significant other should be at the top of your relationship scale of preference, they shouldn’t stop you from meeting other people. People like I wrote in a previous article are more than just flesh and blood, or pretty and handsome faces they are opportunities for fulfilment, progress.

“So I made a new friend yesterday at George’s birthday party, she was the one who took the toast and was quite the conversationalist, she was great company”
I’ve had to sound like this a few times while talking to ‘her’, more often than not the new friend spoken about is female and is someone I have a lot in common with. You might think it’s being overly cautious but i consider it removing the cloak of secrecy that fans the flames of thoughts of infidelity.

Over time, I realised that your special someone is the perfect person to help you stay totally committed to what you both have, and although this technique wasn’t learnt, I also can’t file for a patent for it(😂 ). I’ve watched movies where a few great couples used almost the same method to help each other.

With time, ‘she’ has come to understand what I’m doing when I introduce someone to her in absentia, it’s my way of asking her to help me to help us (She has trademarked this expression, don’t use it without permission😂).

A few routine investigative questions might ensue in her attempt to know how deep I and this new friend connect, and I must add, not the type of questions that makes one sweat profusely in an air conditioned space😂, and after I have given honest answers to them, the response is usually an elongated, “ok….”.

Choosing your partner daily does entail spelling out boundaries to connections that can be threats to your relationship. You know you, you know when someone is not just an acquaintance, if you would be honest you can sense when people with sinister intentions approach, being an open book to the one we are with, sheds the cloak of secrecy necessary for thoughts of infidelity to thrive.

No!! Like many things in life, this exact model might not work for you and your partner, especially if trust has been broken before, but I’m almost sure the underlying principle will. Keeping all the cats out of the bag helps strengthens trust which I can assuredly say is the oxygen relationships survive on.